Feeling good in your own skin

There a few facts in life we can't change, and one of them is that we all have one and only one body, since the day we were born. That's it. Nothing we can do about it.

Given this, it's really sad that we receive (and give) so much negative stimuli from all around us regarding our permanent bodies. I'm talking here specifically about the way we look, which is only one element of the reality of being stuck in our bodies.

Not a day goes by in which we are not reminded of the specific way each of us look. We invented something just for that; it's called a mirror, and it affords us something that we are naturally incapable of doing: seeing ourselves just the way others do. Just pause for a moment and think about this fact: our species invented something that makes us able to see through the eyes of others (right, before mirrors we could see our reflex by looking to bodies of water, but that's a whole different thing and a somewhat rare occurrence in nature that you can't bring home).

Every single day we pass in front of a mirror and at least have a glance at it, just to check how we're looking. Every. Single. Day. And at least once a day. But our current lifestyle goes further: we take photos of ourselves (chiefly selfies), we edit them, we post them on social media, we look at other people's photos there, we compare ourselves, and so on. We even sometimes weight ourselves to aide us in assessing our appearance. That would be already a lot, if it weren't for the fact that we are also regularly drown in a sea of propaganda, everywhere, on and off our screens, purporting to show us what our bodies "should" look like . Billboards. Banners. Mannequins. Online ads. In-app ads. All the time. Everywhere. Have you ever noticed it?

So, yes, our attention is drawn to the way we look all the time, and so many times this has a negative overtone. It's so common for us to look at ourselves and have the most ungenerous thoughts: "Ugh, I don't like this", "I wish I were thinner", "I wish I were more toned", "I hate this part of myself"... "How can I be so ugly?", to exemplify a few. It's really amazing that some of us have thoughts about ourselves that we wouldn't dare to have about our worst enemies!

Sometimes this toxic relationship (between we and our bodies) start really early, but we are not born like this. We begin in the world really not caring about the way we look, but of course, as soon as we get out into society, we start to be harassed all the time by the body propaganda culture that I talked about a few sentences above. "Use this to look beautiful". "Eat less, exercise more. You don't want to be a fatty". "You should really fit into this cloth if you wanna feel sexy". I should add here that propaganda is not the only villain here: we grow up watching fiction that glamorize having certain kinds of bodies (by the way, things are better now; the youngest generations have more access to movies and cartoons that normalize having all kinds of bodies and accepting the ones we do have). And don't forget all the songs that glamorize having particular format of buttocks/breasts/hair.

It doesn't have to be like this. Our bodies are so much more than the way they look; they're not mannequins, meant solely to be exposed in vitrines to be stared at. They're beautifully equipped with a kinetic structure that enables us to move in all sorts of ways. That's how we have so many things today that we love and that get us mesmerized: dancing, singing, acting, sports, arts, hugging, kissing... the list goes on and on (just think about how there exist lost of different kinds of dance, of sports, of arts..!).

It's soooo limited to even think, for a single moment, that the most important (or even only!) function of our bodies is to be looked at! That would be crazy! We're not dolls!!! We can do so much more with them, we can even generate happiness from them! What was the last time you moved around with your body and felt good after that? (Full disclaimer: I do it all the time, and so can you!!! :) ) What about the last time you ate something delicious that you loved? (I did it a few minutes ago, as I write) We can simply live and enjoy our bodies, too!

Sure, for someone that has been consistently captured by the body negativity culture across the years, the transition to enjoying their body might take a while. It it, though, totally worth it. Again, remember the very obvious fact with which I started this post: our bodies are unique and permanent. You can't just choose another body at a store. And even though you can use makeup and do other body interventions (dieting and aesthetically-focused-exercising, for example, not to mention plastic surgery), there are obvious limits to how much change we can achieve to our bodies. Whether you like it or not.

Why, then, bother so much? We could just accept we are stuck to our body, a body which has limitations regarding how much it can change, and that in any case is very hard to change, even if temporarily. Think about all the effort needed to lose and maintain weight: all the intake restriction, all the strenuous exercise. Are you willing to do it just for looks? And the "easy" path, plastic surgery: are you willing to accept a heavy, violent aggression towards your body, one about whose results you have no idea anyway? Again, just for looks? When you could just accept the body you have and rest in it, relax and enjoy life? I mean, it's kind of a no-brainer, isn't it?

By the way, don't worry about all the self-loathing you feel (and do) when you look at the mirror: as you gradually stops caring so much about the way you look, you (surprisingly!) start to feel better about what you see in the mirror. And if you put in the effort, you can actually start to love your reflected self. (Notice I didn't tell you to discard your mirrors or stop looking at them; you'll actually feel better every time you pass in front of one!).

In other posts, I will describe more detailed, specific strategies you can use to achieve such a position of actually loving your body. But you can start with what you already learnt here: go and explore your amazing body. Sure, do it in your mind, by reflecting about everything your body did for you up to now (and can do in the future!), but also reserve some time to actually move it and to experience it in action. Run, dance, sing, jump!! (Even, and specially if, you think you don't do it particularly well! Nobody is born walking, right?) You can do it by yourself, or you can even join a group focused on some moving activity. There you see other people exploring their bodies and even enjoying them very much!